Obituary
At approximately 12:30AM on this Friday morning, Alexander the Goldfish passed out of this existence. Services were held at 8:30AM today, where ‘Amazing Grace’ was sung. Due to recent financial setbacks, the family was only able to provide a pauper’s funeral. Alexander’s final resting place will be the city dump. “He had been suffering from an infection in recent days, and had just begun a course of treatment the night before”, a family member says. While the family saw signs of improvement after just six hours of medication, they
were horrified to find Alexander lying on the family room floor, dead, when they awoke. “I thought I heard something around 12:20 last night, but I didn’t investigate,” reports a grief stricken family member. “I realize now it was the top of his tank I heard as he busted loose. I should have checked. I should have checked. I’m sure the lid was closed when I went to bed….” Police investigated the scene, but were unable to determine positively if the goldfish had actually been able to force the lid to his tank open.
Sgt.Malone had this to say: “With a fish that size, it is possible that he could force the lid open on his own, if he swam up really fast. The only way to be sure would be to let the coroner examine the body for signs of bruising or contusions that the impact with the door would have caused. However, since this isn’t considered a homicide, we decided to save the family some grief and rule it an accidental suicide.”
Alexander was two years of age. Donations may be made in Alexander’s name to the Fighting Fund, which helps save the whales. Alexander admired them greatly.
http://whales.magna.com.au/trust/
One family member had this to offer, in memoriam:
Alexander, Alexander All shiny silver and gold
Alexander, Alexander Will your story ever be told?
The joy you brought those around you
Your effervescent smile
Your lovely flowing fins and tail
There can be no denial
The excitement boiling in your tank
Every time I came in.
Someway, Somehow you knew
That I always had your din-din.
While perhaps your memory was fleeting,
Quicker than a cricket’s ass
The joy and love you brought your family
Will surely never pass.
Alexander, Alexander…
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