It’s a Small Gay World, After All

Also entitled: “OH MY GOD!”
Or “Dating is Not for the Faint of Heart”


So, as you may know, I try to go to Showtune Tuesday whenever I can. When I first got there last Tuesday I passed Gene on his way out. He is the retired army guy on disability with whom I had gone on 2 and a half dates earlier this year, but due to drama in his life (crazy ex-wife, crazy ex-boyfriend, crazy lawyers….), any future engagements were postponed. He was in a hurry and didn’t seem to want to talk for long. Maybe it was cuz his date was pulling on his arm and he had to brace against the door frame to just be able to call out “Can’t talk right now! I’ll call you!!”. Then, shortly after that, I met a really nice, attractive young man there by the name of Jarrett. Know him? Anyway, we struck up a conversation, which was muddied by this stranger who was pretending to be his husband of innumerable years but had actually just met Jarrett 20 minutes before. This stranger even intercepted my handoff of my phone number to Jarrett, keeping it for himself! What nerve! Luckily I discovered this before the end of the evening and was able to get my digits to Jarrett. (I’m still waiting for a disturbing phone call from the stranger…) However, Jarrett and I did not talk too much more that evening because after the stranger left, then Eddie moved in.

Eddie is a big, strapping man, rather muscular and looking like he is fresh out of the military or something and may or may not be prone to ‘excesses’. Now, some of you may remember Eddie from another story I’ve told you. To briefly catch the rest of you up: I was at a local sports bar 2-3 months ago, chatting it up and being flirtatious with this guy named Ken. Well, Eddie walks by on his way to the bathroom and whispers something in Ken’s ear, which, from the hissing, explosive consonants and Ken’s pale expression, doesn’t sound very friendly. I think I hear the word ‘slut’. Ken is shaken up a bit, and quickly fills me in that recently (night before, previous week?) he and Eddie had talked and exchanged phone numbers, but that was it. True or not? I’m not sure. Then Eddie walks by again and says to me “Watch out for Ken, he’ll screw you over” or some such type line, I don’t remember exactly what it was. Eddie then fretted and fumed across the room at us for some time. Very uncomfortable. Ken and I never really met up again after that. I later heard that Eddie doesn’t mind ‘beating the shit out of anyone.’ I was mildly freaked.

So anyway, at last week’s Showtune Tuesday, Eddie swoops in on Jarrett, and I’m unsure of what the situation is there, but I am having a serious flashback to the Ken scene, bolstered by the fact that Eddie is giving me the cold shoulder and making a point of rubbing Jarrett’s back while looking defiantly at me as if to dare me to compete. So, after getting my number discreetly to Jarrett, I decide to make a hasty retreat. Well, there were some really good showtunes, so maybe I hung around for a bit, but I digress….

Lucky for me, Jarrett emails me the next day, and we end up having loads of fun seeing a really bad movie that night and then we hang out the next night as well, and I’m thinking I’m really enjoying his company, and I’m thinking he’s a very happy person and laughs a lot, which I usually think is a sign of a good date, tho he does frequently laugh AT me and not so much WITH me, which on low self-esteem days makes me hesitate. But overall, it is what one would call a cheery picture – or perhaps a ‘cherry’ picture if you are feeling a wee bit hungry as I am right now, and are in need of some sustenance.

Anywho, Jarrett and I went out again last night to Showtune Tuesday, and had a little repeat of the Eddie scene. Eddie comes up, talks to Jarrett. Ethel Merman is really loud so it is hard for more than two people to talk at a time. Besides, Eddie gave me a mildly dirty look upon walking up so I decided not to intrude. Jarrett and I felt uncomfortable, so I was happy when Jarrett suggested high-tailing it out of there at the first possible moment. Jarrett mentions, “I don’t think Eddie likes you.” (So now, if I end up dead or missing, the list of suspects should include Eddie and my upstairs neighbor with the sledge hammer, and also throw Gene and Jarrett in there for reasons which are about to come clear.) But compared to our DINNER conversation which had occurred earlier that evening, this was nothing.

At dinner, a lovely little Thai place in the heart of Midtown by the name of Royal Orchid, Jarrett mentions his ex (they were together for 3 years and shared a house) who he has mentioned on a couple of occasions, just in passing. Well, he mentions his name this time for the first time (that I caught). The sentence was something like: “Yeah, Gene was retired from the Army where he got a hurt foot, so then…..” and the rest of the sentence was drowned out by this internal static screaming in my head as my protein-deprived brain (my basil chicken hadn’t come yet) spun out of control as I struggled to understand this rising sense of danger welling up from my inner most being. Random words replay in my head from what he has just said: “Army”….”Hurt foot”…”retired” ….”GENE!” and before I can stop it, my face freezes into this look of shock or horror or something and I think I start sputtering words that won’t form a complete sentence. Jarrett stops and guesses that I might know Gene. Stupid, honest me says, “Yes. Uhm….yeah..well, we sorta dated.” Just at this moment, I’m sure I heard a tray of porcelain plates shatter in the kitchen and a mighty wind blows in thru the restaurant door. Jarrett looks disgusted with me, and I half expect projectile vomiting from one or both of us.

First Eddie, now the refresher on Gene: Gene, as you may recall, was the retired Army guy with all the issues. Those issues included (per Gene, mind you): Ex Wife in Texas, Nasty Custody Battle Over the 4 kids, Fully disabled from shrapnel or whatever, and…and…THE CRAZY EX-BOYFRIEND NAMED JARRETT WHO IS CURRENTLY SITTING ACROSS THE TABLE FROM ME PICKING AT HIS SOUP!!!!”
Sweat drips into my newly arrived Thai dish as the waitress demurely walks away from the table without a word, sensing some momentousness going on. The basil rolls I just ate churn in my stomach. Fear grips me. Jarrett downs the rest of his plum wine and says he isn’t surprised by this revelation. “Gene has dated everyone,” he explains. (Well, now my 2 point 5 dates with Gene seem so much less special!!) Jarrett goes on, “You are like the third person I’ve dated since Gene and I broke up that has dated Gene.”

How does one recover from this? I verbally claim to Jarrett that I can’t remember a word of what Gene has said about Jarrett, meanwhile, in my head I’m ticking of the list of items I do remember of ‘scary things about Gene’s Ex’. And in black comedy fashion, Jarrett interrupts my mental checklist with “So, did you like my house?” referring to the time I was there with Gene….

Then, of course, reason takes hold. Why would I take the word of someone I barely knew (GENE) about someone else I barely know (JARRETT). AND, I’ve been hanging out and talking with Jarrett for a week and I really like him, so what does this really change? And I know how relationships with ex’s can be crazy even when the people aren’t. AND I also remember what most of my friends said about Gene when I talked about his various and sundry issues, and how I had that little warning bell going off in my head that there was some hidden lurking SOMETHING there, thinking at the time it might be tied to what appeared as mild hyper-religiosity in a conservative church, (tho this may be my misperception), or perhaps it may have indeed been a mild mental disorder under control with medications.

Well, so far, Jarrett has supplied me with stories, entertainment, some awkwardness, and lots of fun. I decide I want more of this, as long as Jarrett is interested and does not now see me as ‘tainted’. So, I tell him so, and I hope that the overall experience from last night will be something that has ended up forging a bond of friendship between us and will one day be something we look back on and laugh at. Ok, for me, it already is that day. The ending to the date was quite nice and pleasant by the way, for those who are busy rating this one. I hope to have several more dates with Jarrett to rate. (But don’t take him off the list of suspects in the event of my death just yet….)

Final bit of irony? The night Jarrett and I met, he talked about going to BINGO this Thursday (tomorrow), which I said I would love to go to and I have only been once before….and that was with GENE on his first time there, and our FIRST date!!

Well, I’m looking forward to it anyway…..